The reason Riku doesn't travel to Timeless River
by therichnobody
Summary: SpawnedI'm using that word a lot by something I saw on Youtube, this will show you why you will nevr catch Riku in Timeless River. Ever.
1. Chapter 1

Still stuck on Kingdom Hearts…Duh…  
Riku: And still apparently hasn't stopped messing with me. What's wrong now, what-I'm in a wheelchair? Do I have cancer? Oh no-It's gotta be something dealing with my looks, right! Let me guess, I shaved off all my hair, didn't I? Or is it that-  
(places a book in Riku's face to stop him talking) No, it's none of that.  
Riku: (muffled, "Yeah right…")  
I know what will make you feel better! Wanna say the disclaimer?  
Riku: Yeah, give me the one thing to say that people _don't_ read. (sigh) therichnobody does not own anything relating to Kingdom Hearts except my torment and humiliation.  
You've been talking to Zexion to long…  
-----X-------X-----

"Hmm…let's see…If I move there…no, then my left flank would be exposed to wind destruction, but if I don't…then maybe I…no, that won't work as well…" a certain brunette keybearer pondered. This is rare you'll find him thinking this hard, so treasure the moment. Too bad that all this thinking is over a game of Jenga.

"Sora," Riku started, thoroughly bored, "it's one little move. You either pull one out and they stay, or it all falls down."

"Yeah, easy for you to say, you have a gazillion good pieces already out! If I pull one now it will fall!"

"Well whose fault is that for letting me get all of those pieces?"

Sora pouted. Of course it was his fault, he just wasn't as good as Riku at games. He steadily placed a wooden tile between his index and thumb and ever so gently he began to pull out the slab of wood. The tower swayed, clacked, but amazingly didn't tip over. "Ha! I got one! Now it's your turn and it's gonna fall on"-but he stopped when he observed Riku pulling one slab from the bottom so swiftly that it didn't quiver once.

"Your move, Sora."

Sora pouted again. Then he grinned. "Heh, if that's all to it, then here goes!" he exclaimed as he yanked a slab from the very bottom, thus toppling the tower. All of the tiles tumbled everywhere, scattering over the table and onto the floor. Riku just smiled as he stood up and said, "You knew the stakes, Sora. You gotta let Wakka use you for target practice in Blitzball."

The brunette mumbled something about Riku cheating as he started to pick up the tiles and place them back into the box when Kairi walked in.

"Are you guys done yet? You promised me you'd take me to see a different world today!" she reminded the two. "What happened in here? Did someone throw the game on the floor?"

"No, Sora thought he could be me and grab one from the bottom." Riku laughed, "Come on Kairi, I'll take you to…hmm…Christmas town! Santa Claus is there"-

"Like you believe in him…" Sora said rather coldly, "And why is it that you always pick the worlds that you don't transform in?"

Yeah, that is a good question. Why is that Riku?"

All eyes were on the silver haired teen. He stared back. He gave them 'that look' but they demanded an answer.

"He's afraid, just 'cause he doesn't know what he'll transform into." Sora grinned. "He's worried that his god-like looks will be all lost if he transforms into a lion or some"-

"No, that's…that's no it. It's just I"-

"Ha! I knew it! We're going to Atlantica! Riku's gonna be an octopus!"

"Shut up Sora! No I'm not!"

Sora could tell he was getting to his friend. "Okay then, let's go to see your 'fishy look' then."

"No Atlantica." Riku said firmly.

"I know! Take me to Timeless River!" Kairi exclaimed. The two boys glanced her way and saw she made up her mind. "I always wanted to see myself as a cartoon! Please?"

Sora looked towards Riku, who was thinking. _I bet he doesn't even want to go there…Heh heh heh…_"Okay, Timeless River it is!"

"No wait, maybe we can go somewhere else"-

"Nope!" Sora and Kairi both yelled as they pulled Riku along towards the gummi ship. It took a while before they left (Riku was holding onto the sides of the entrance trying his best not to go in) but eventually they reached Disney Castle. As they disembarked, the three met up with King Mickey.

"Hiya fellas! What's up?" the kind asked the three.

"Nothing, we're just showing Kairi the Timeless River, if it's okay with you, Your Majesty." Sora asked, keeping a tight hold on Riku, who was trying to escape.

"No, nothing's wrong with that, ha ha! Wait, _all _of you are going?"

"Yeah, if it's okay."

"Well…" Mickey looked towards Riku, who was nervous about the whole thing. "It's alright with me but I don't think Ri"-

"Okay, great, thanks-Bye King Mickey!" Sora yelled, pulling along Riku and running alongside Kairi towards the door in the Hall of the Cornerstone. And again, Riku didn't go so easily, but with a little strength (and tickling under the arm to get him to let go of the door handle) the three got in. And cue…transformation!  
-----X-------X-----

Sora was in his original red plainer outfit, cartoonified. And so was Kairi, in her original outfit, just cartoonier. Then there was Riku, in his original outfit, minus all of the less cartoon. (what?) Kairi looked around in the black and white world, and she smiled.

"Oooooh, this place is _sooooooo_ cute! I didn't even know there was a world like this! Oh, and my arms are like lanky ropes…Cool!!!" Kairi exclaimed as she wiggled her arm in waves.

Sora grinned. "Hee hee hee, I knew you'd like it! But where's Riku?"

"Huh?" she searched around her, but there was no sign of twilight hearted keybearer. "Where did he go? Sora, we have to find him, remember this is his first time here too! He could get lost or something!"

"Yeah, you're right. But where could he go? I locked the gummi ship with the keyblade making sure he couldn't get in until we were ready"-

"Why?!"

Sora and Kairi heard that yell coming from the gummi ship, and that's where they saw their cartoon friend. "Please, can we go somewhere else? I don't like my body feeling like spaghetti!"

"Aw, quit being a whiner"-

"You're one to talk!"

"Guys,"

They stopped arguing. Kairi pointed towards one of the theater openings. "Let's go in there…"

"Yeah! That's the one where you gotta save King Mickey's house! This is fun!" He started to run, but when he heard only one set of footprints behind him, he stopped. "Riiiiiikuuuuuuuuuuuuu!!!"

"… … …"

"Riku!"

"… … …Fine."  
-----X-------X-----

After playing in Timeless River for abut a couple hours or so, they returned to Disney Castle, and again spotted King Mickey.

"So how did you like the world Kairi?"

"It was FUN!" she yelled, but covered her mouth and apologized for being so loud, "I mean, it was cool, Your Majesty." Sora laughed.

"Well, I'm glad you liked. Maybe I'll join you guys next time, ha ha!" Mickey smiled, but saw that Riku was smiling as well. More like grinning from ear to ear, almost literately. "Riku, what's so funny?"

Kairi noticed that Riku was laughing a lot while they were in Timeless River, and even he was laughing when there wasn't anything funny, kinda like now. "Riku?"

Riku immediately stopped. His cheeks ached from smiling so much. (I mean, it IS Riku after all) "Huh? T-there's nothing wrong. What, can't a guy smile once in a while for no reason?"

… … …

"Well, it's just the fact that we didn't think _you'd _be the one who would smile for no reason." Sora replied. "Maybe getting hit with that lamp caused a few screws to come loose, don't you think?"

"Oh, so now you're calling me crazy, is that IT! HUH! Well you know what! I think YOU'RE the one person someone forgot to assemble properly!" Riku yelled, then started to laugh. Quite a lot, actually. And he couldn't stop. He was laughing so hard that tears leaked from his eyes.

_I was afraid of this…_

"What the heck is wrong with you?" Sora asked, helping up Riku, who fell to the floor laughing hysterically. "Kairi, did he take some sugar pills this morning or something?"

"Sora, I don't thin that's it."

They all looked towards Mickey. "Wha…what do you mean?" Kairi asked. Mickey was going to respond, but he noticed that Riku finally stopped laughing. He was gasping for air, still had a huge smile on his face and beads of sweat dotted his face. Riku braced himself against the wall, holding his sides, the laughed a bit more. Sora tried to support him but Riku pushed him away, barely stopping himself from getting into another laughing fit.

"It's…I'm fine…Heh heh…" his eye twitched, but he seemed to stop smiling. Kairi was now thoroughly confused, right along with Sora. They both asked Mickey at the same time what was going on, but Riku answered for them.

"What are you talking about, there's nothing wrong with me. Heh-Ha ha ha ha ha!!!" he laughed, only in a weird high pitched voice, as if someone recorded his voice and fast forwarded it. His voice was getting higher and higher, like he was breathing in helium instead of air, and that's when the three observed his skin getting more gray than anything, his shoes grew bigger and more clown-like (like Sora's) his grin became wider, and he started to become more like a cartoon…

Ha! I don't know what's wrong with me these days. I blame youtube (I finally got to see something on there) Those Kingdom Hearts Stupid files, (mainly 3 and 4) had me rolling. And it's also the main reason I maid this. They had sped up the tape when Riku happened to be laughing and Sora was up close to him, so it seemed like all of a sudden, gerbils climbed into his throat and gave him a fast-paced, high pitched voice. Sora backed away (I would too!)  
-----X------X-----

Riku: I'm still here-  
And I was able to get you to talk to me again, didn't I?  
Riku: You're evil…

Review please!


	2. Chapter 2

It's been a while. Continuing…

-----X-------X-----

Everyone stared at Riku in his new cartoonier self. He grinned and simply said in his high-pitched voice, "What? You all act like you never laughed before! Maybe I should cure that…" and he pulled out an enormous foghorn out of nowhere, placed the mouthpiece on his butt, and farted. Very loudly. The bad part, there was a large lingering green cloud of funk in the castle. Sora, Kairi and Mickey gagged on the gas, but Riku just laughed out loud and ran off.

"King Mickey your highness? What happened to Riku?" Sora managed to get out.

"Well," Mickey started, crawling out of the noxious room, "I tried to tell you that Riku shouldn't go in worlds that take transformations because…of his instability, he might develop the transformation even after he has left the world."

"We have to find him, there's no telling what he could do!" Kairi yelled over the sudden crashes echoing in the halls. "It sounded like it came from over there!" she pointed to a large, pink door.

"Oh no, that's Minnie's room! Hurry!" Mickey beckoned them to follow. As they rushed in, they found poor Minnie bound and gagged on a railroad track, whereas a large toy-like train headed straight for her, driven by Riku, who was laughing maniacally. (and that's something, considering the fact that his voice is even higher)

"Yaaaaatttaaa!!!" he yelled, tooting the whistle of the train, coming ever closer to her.

"No, Riku stop the train!" Sora yelled as he dove for Minnie, shoving her out of the way but getting hit in the process. Kairi screamed while Mickey rushed over to Minnie; Riku on the other hand crashed the train into the wall when he ran out of tracks. He was grinning furiously again, hopping on one foot humming the theme, "I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves".

"Minnie, are you alright?"

"Yes, I'm fine, but what happened to Riku?! He threatened to give me breast augmentation if I didn't get on the tracks!" she shrieked, but Riku gave her a menacing glare.

"And it would have been simple too. All I would have done was suck the fat out of your huge head and put it in your non-existent BOOBIES!" Riku screamed at the top of his lunges, laughing. But he got the wind knocked out of him by a flying Sora.

"What the heck has gotten into you?! Snap out of it!" he yelled, strangling Riku but he stopped when he saw his neck has grown twice its length and had his hand grooves in it. "Oh my god I'm so sorry!" He backed up, staring at his friend whose head was hanging on his spring of a neck.

"Oh…Sora…my neck…you KILLED ME!" he made a gargling noise, holding his head and swinging it around and around, making it stretch more before falling to the ground. The others stared in astonishment at the teen.

"Ri…ku?" Kairi asked, inching over to her fallen friend. She warily looked at his face. He had his tongue hanging out like a panting dog and his eyes were in the back of his head. "Riku?"

"Don't get too close Kairi, who knows what will happen…" Sora said exasperated.

"Yeah babe, who knows what will happen?!" Kairi jumped back in fear but she was immediately grabbed by Riku, who was surprisingly strong even in this state. And then he gave her a loud, wet kiss, right on the lips. In front of everyone. "Oh yeah, Riku likey!" He hopped up, still holding onto Kairi who is trying her best to escape Riku's hold, and ran into Mickey's room. Sora and King Mickey pursued, but they reached the door too late.

"Arrgh!" Sora yelled, banging on the door, "He locked us out! Riku! Open up!!!" he continued to bang on the door, especially when he heard Kairi scream.

"Sora! Use the keyblade to unlock the door!" Mickey suggested, pulling out his own golden weapon. The brunette nodded his head in agreement as he unlocked the door. The two of them burst in to see Riku back to normal, tickling Kairi. She was screaming, giggling and kicking to the teen's unceasing assault. When the door flew open though, he stopped to look up.

"Uhh…where's the fire?"

Mickey was confused. Sora dived on Riku and started to pull on his skin. "It's-not-STRETCHING!" he let his cheeks slap back before letting out a sigh of relief. "Good, you're back to normal."

"Get off!" the silver-haired teen yelled, shoving Sora off him. What are you talking about, back to normal? What happened for me to not be normal?" he asked, thoroughly confused. Sora grinned.

"Oh, nothing. Just make sure you don't go back to Timeless River anytime soon, you made a big mess."

Riku laughed. "Told you I didn't wanna go." He smiled as they left out of the room. He placed a gray, spaghetti-like arm around Sora's shoulder. "Trust me, whatever happened won't happen again…"

-----X-------X-----

I'm sleepy, and couldn't think of nothing. I apologize. (bows head)

Review please!


End file.
